(Capricorn Sun vs Cancer Venus)
Here we have it again…an aspect that should be completely at odds but, somehow, isn’t. In fact, this aspect shows up in long-term relationships.
These two have different viewpoints. Their childhoods, life lessons, and core beliefs are, in some ways, vastly different, which will make for some interesting disagreements.
(B-that’s me) and (A-that’s TMW5T) are going to get frustrated with one another. B can be certain her way is the only correct and proper way, while A thinks B needs to lighten up her sense of Black & White. B will get offended thinking A likes his way too much, and A will probably pout because B never lets him do anything without a lecture about it.
Of course, the reason this works is that, once again they will learn things about themselves through this interplay of personality.
Here’s an example of the interplay in action:
A learns that charming B to get his way isn’t going to work all the time, as B was probably never allowed indulgent behavior in her childhood, either because of the natural personality traits of being a Capricorn, or because she was most often expected to be a careful kid, responsible and mindful not to anger or upset anyone. Always following the rules and never demanding the attention she needed. This natural Capricorn trait, is often found as taken full advantage of by parents who come to expect their child to “fall into line” or “keep to expected behaviour”
A, probably had a much different childhood. He might have used humor or cleverness to get his way. A’s childhood was probably based in more rebellious and clever attempts at getting the result he wanted, due to a household that was less ridgid in expectations of his behavior.
So, for A, demanding his way isn’t going to cut it, neither is pouting and sulking. A has a bit of a habit here, of trying to compliment or cojole his way into things he wants…kinda like a little kid wheedling a snack before dinner. On the flip side, Capricorny B needs to let up on the rules sometimes. After all, fun can’t be planned and spontaneous moments can actually be good for her.
Some of A’s behavior is a result of his round-a-bout way of being slightly passive-aggressive and not because he’s a naughty person. He’s just got a fear that he’s not being seen and appreciated, and this manifests as a need to have his way..thus, confirming B is still caring about his feelings. (After all, attention by means of pouting, is still attention)
Of course, this cojoling habit has a bit of self-indulgence in it, and B needs to be aware of the core reason for it. A needs reassurance that B will still love him even if he acts like a pouty kid. A, needs to be similarly aware that B, isn’t being cold hearted or mean by not giving in to his habit of being sweet in order to get his way, this is behavior he has to monitor because, B most likely never got indulged this way, and what A considers being cutesy to get his way, B might consider manipulation and that, might hurt her feelings.
The viewpoints go like this, growing up A would often make his family laugh or shake their heads at his silly method of “trying to get one over on them” in an obvious but clever manner, what the English refer to as “being cheeky” which is given a positive vibe of loving indulgence and most likely, resulted in the family giving in to him. It makes him feel loved because the family members indulge him and this, he determines, means that they want him to be happy.
B, on the other hand, probably was corrected anytime she attempted this same behavior. She might have been reprimanded severely or criticised for being ” selfish” or “manipulative” in this way. Her behavior was given a negative vibe of censure and disapproval.
As a result, these two have a confusion of viewpoint regarding this type of habit. A sees it as a means of obtaining validation of love, whilst B associates this same habit as resulting in a withdrawal of love.
The truth is, both need balance.
B needs to learn that she can let A show her how to be more playful, providing her with the sweet joy of acting a bit spoiled without feeling like she’s being bad and will lose his love because she’s disappointed him (remember this will have been drummed into her as a child) This might take her awhile as she probably has never done this without feeling guilty of manipulating the person she loves, even if A is fully aware and is, in fact, enjoying her transparent attempts at winning her way over him.
A, on the other hand, might do well with a bit of correcting of his own behavior, as it has probably gotten a wee bit out of hand over time. What a child gets away with is a different story to a grown adult trying the same. A child might appear cute or be seen as a lovable rascal, a grown man however, isn’t quite so cute as he pouts and sulks about not getting his way even though he was extra cutesy and complimentary..which can be considered false flattery. A, needs to learn that validation of love doesn’t need to come only from someone giving in to him.
He might benefit from learning other methods of obtaining that validation that coincides with B’s childhood conditioning.
For example, B’s love language might be about showing love through action. She might not give in to manipulation, but does she notice the small things that A does? Does she respond to this showing of love by doing little things like heating up a towel while A’s showering? Or packing A a lunch for a trip? If so, A can slowly begin to understand that B is saying she loves him in a way that feels comfortable to her, and that, contrary to not loving him, B is practically shouting it in her own way.
The reason this aspect works, is that over time both members of this coupling begins to “twig” to the habits of one another, and this becomes more like being “courted” continuously.