Dear Self, I saw that! You are fooling no one, that was not dancing! That was failing at dancing with a beat. For the love of all that is beautiful please stop being a complete dweeb who looks like she is having a body break down in the middle of the room! I cannot even look at you when you make that leg to the left move attempting to look like you can make the electric slide into performance art. You and I both know you totally sucked at the electric slide anyway. Yes you did. Yes you did. YES YOU DID! Hello! Denial party of one. Know why it is party of one? because you are never getting laid again if anyone sees you dancing even once. If anyone sees you dancing you will have to dispose of the body yourself. See what you have done? You have made me into a potential murderer of peoples who innocently might look into your room in concern because of all the scary huffing noises coming from your dying lungs that are currently wondering what the FRICK they ever did to you to deserve this.
Ps. Your taste in music sucks. I mean, get some dance or exercise music for cripes sake! Phil Collins is not known for his dance enticement. He is more known for putting you to sleep with drool on your chin, happy blissful, I-just-heard-Phil-Collins-sing-and-all-is-right-with-my-world- drool but sleep enhanced drool nonetheless.
Signed, The part of you that has class.
Yes, I know I am a tiny hard to find spec on your lower elbow, but I have feelings too!