Well, that was lovely and extremely frustrating.
In my dream, an acquaintance of TMW5T’s, gave me a list of 4-5 of his phone numbers to call him and introduce myself, only, each time I tried to write the numbers down, something would interrupt me, or I’d somehow write down the wrong number.
The weird part of this dream, was this warm feeling of love that enveloped me each time I considered whether calling him was appropriate. The warmth felt like him. I can’t explain. It was reassuring and yet, I still felt my mind rebelling against being soo rude. Calling him would be a step over a line that I have clearly drawn with my integrity.
It doesn’t matter in the end, I can’t remember a single digit upon waking.
To be honest, I don’t think I’d have called the number, even if I did remember. Not without real life approval.
What would I even say? “Hi! I’m Bekki, I write you poems in a journal every year for your birthday, do you want it?” Cringe, cringe.
Yup. Lame. Lame and intrusive.
:::Flops down on bed.:::
Why the hell do I still dream about him?
I haven’t dreamt about TMW5T in a long while. I’ll be honest, I missed him but, at the same time, I felt like maybe it was appropriate to stop. After all, I’m not a kid anymore. These dreams make me long for things I can’t have.
I talked to my sister about this. She thinks it’s pretty wild that I’ve dreamt about the same person my whole life. Me? I feel frustrated.
It’s a puzzle I don’t know how to solve and it picks at my brain until I want to cry. As a kid this wasn’t awkward, as an adult it makes me long for things I can’t have. This is not a dream, this is life. These things don’t happen to “normal” people. I feel like Tom Hanks in that mermaid movie about to get yelled at “Look what you got!”
I think, I’d be ok if I just knew TMW5T wasn’t also dreaming of me. Then, I could put it down to just being a weird kid who decided to dream of the same person her entire life…no biggie..right?
I need a shrink.