Chiron is the most aggressive healing aspect. It’s aggressive because it doesn’t give a shit if you are ready. It’s a painful and raw, gaping wound. Chiron is gonna heal that up for you, with or without your permission. Deal with it.
The most positive aspect of this placement, is that Mars is action. He discovers the problem! He attacks the problem!
Chiron hurts. He is the wounded healer, after all! But, he’s also amazing! He’ll heal you completely, no leftover anything. He won’t leave you be until he has ALL of it. Like a good doctor, he heals you until you don’t need him anymore. Then, his true gift is found. That of healing others who suffer the same wounds. (you’re welcome.)
Chiron represents the deepest wound. The one you run from the most vigorously. He expects “active engagement” trust me, if you actively engage with your healing it goes ever so much faster than having to be dragged kicking-and-screaming into it. Whichever way you choose, it is GOING to happen.
What’s this natives Chiron when it falls in Mars placement? Glad you asked!
It’s all about being aware of your worth. This native thinks everyone is better than he is. You can tell him 300 times what is most amazing about him..but, unless he understands that his childhood left him feeling inadequate and unworthy of his own self-love, he will never truly believe you. He’ll love hearing the nice things you think about him, he’ll even desperately try to pretend he IS that person…but, he won’t know it’s actually who he is at his core..because his core…is broken. He didn’t break it..it was broken over time, leaving him seeking love and validation outside himself..what we have lacking we will seek. What will change his entire life, will be realizing that the validation he needs..is his own. He’s so hard on himself, this guy. He doesn’t cut himself a break. He truly thinks everyone else is more than he is. Every compliment is dismissed internally.
This guy. He’s fucking amazing, but, he was raised saying “I’m sorry” like, all the time. Even when he didn’t do a fucking thing wrong. (Personal message: There is nothing wrong with you. They didn’t love you properly and that wasn’t because of you..that was because of them. Because you love them, you said I’m sorry. Because of themselves and their issues, they let you do it.)
Even when this guy rebelled he was left feeling ashamed and sorry. Because his heart is deep and his soul is sensitive, he took on the burden of other hearts and that weight, is fucking heavy. That’s what is coolest about this person, he is super strong inside because he’s carried soo many people his entire life. He knows it’s time to heal, but he’s grown use to the weight of it. He has yet to realize that real love doesn’t have requirements and hoops he must jump through. Real love isn’t continuous effort, it’s effortless. Real love, loves you to your naked soul. It comes from small intimate moments of letting yourself just like and appreciate how dorky and lovable your faults truly are.
This native will often feel awkward and clumsy sharing their true selves with others. They may have emotional outbursts or clamp down in their natural reactions in fear of showing too much of their inner turmoil.
Many natives will have come to accept that they cannot express their anger, having learned from youth that their anger is not allowed or even circumvented by others “stealing their feelings” (an act of self-berating that removes the victims right to feel angry.) Which is to say, the person in the wrong expresses disgust and self-loathing to the point that the wronged person feels unable to “own” their own feelings..not wishing to add to the situation.
What the child growing up in this situation is unaware of, is that this behavior is deliberate. The person expressing the self-loathing is, in fact, using this tactic against them to great effect.
They probably didn’t do this to cause harm. In fact, it’s a coping mechanism that has to do with pushing away the truth, by pretending not to do so. Twisted? Yes. But then, so is making someone feel helpless to express their honest anger to the point that they don’t feel they ever have a right to be angry.
Yes, I said a right to be angry. Everyone has a right to be mad. To yell about being hurt or betrayed. Growing up without access to that natural response makes for a deeply repressed person who truly deserves to feel themselves scream and not be worried about doing so.
(I know because I’ve been there. It took me ages to just get to the point where I loved this me soo much I lost my temper when someone took advantage of me. It took that deep self-love to help me embrace it. I thought of this new me as a child, because I defended kids but, never myself. That first time I stood up for myself and recognized that I was being manipulated was the best teaching moment ever.)
So, what has this childhood issue done to you?
It’s made you both afraid of your masculinity and afraid of your lack of masculinity.
It’s made you afraid to assert yourself as a male and yet, certain you must succeed at it so that other males respect you.
The awareness of your own inner sensitivity will confuse and confound you. In fact, you probably go out of your way to appear very masculine in appearance, but feel uncomfortable with defining what being male really means to you.
You might have fantasies of dominating or of being dominated.
You might take physical risks to prove yourself to others as a male.
You might wonder about your sexuality or go out of your way to prove yourself a sexual person.
Tenderness is something you deeply crave, but also fear just as deeply in expressing.
You are very very confused about how to be adequately masculine and still able to embrace the need within you to be soft and gentle.
The secret to this lies in accepting that you are both. You are masculine. You are feminine. These feelings exist within you in equal measure. Every human has both sides. The true work comes from defining what those sides consist of for you.
You are in a truly lucky era of humanity. These sub-texted issues are being defined and challenged in ways they might never have been before in history. Let yourself decide what masculine looks like to you. Let people know you have boundaries and decide not to apologize for expressing yourself adequately when those boundaries are crossed. Stop apologizing if you didn’t do anything wrong..and if you do something wrong, do apologize, but only once very sincerely. You will make mistakes, but those who love you, truly love you, will know from that one sincere apology that you truly mean it. Asking you to apologize repeatedly for your mistake, or for mistakes you had no personal responsibility for, are crossing your boundaries.You have a right to express anger when someone crosses those boundaries.
Loving yourself enough to stand up for you, is the very first lesson. Imagine your inner child is being spoken to, is what is being said something you would tolerate another person saying to that child? If not..then, by all means, stand up for that little child inside you. That is how you heal your inner child. By being the parent they needed as an adult.
If your inner child was told they were kind and lovely, would a child doubt it was true? No, they would correctly ascertain that they think so too!
The truth to loving yourself, is letting your inner child trust your word. You would never lie to them. Therefore, if you tell them you like who they are, especially when they are being silly and cute, then you as the adult that child grew up into must be silly and cute. If you say it, It’s so. So..go ahead..start having a conversation with them..lots of them. Out loud and with complete honesty. Ask the questions you never asked.
“Am I a bad kid cause I got mad?”
“No, someone hurt your feelings and it’s ok to be mad about that, but we know what they said wasn’t true, so that’s why we got upset. We were worried that they didn’t see us correctly and that hurt our feelings.”
Talking to yourself, I highly recommend. Take challenging moments and treat it like a parent talking to a kid. That kid is you. That adult is also you. Who loves you best? You do. Start there. Start to learn to love that kid..cause that kid, became you. Heal them, heal yourself.