Ok. Let’s just admit this now. I am a fucking klutz! I am. I can’t escape it. If something can happen to my body to cause a bruise, cut, or twinge of genuine ouch- ness. It’s coming at me with bells on.
Last night I got up in the middle of the night to pee. Since It’s just me I didn’t even turn in the light or shut the bathroom door. Nope, just pants down and pee.
The disaster happened when I went to stand and slammed my right eye right into the doorknob that I hadn’t realized was so very very close to my face in the dark. Eye-level, in fact. Bam! Right into it!
Now. The first thought I had was
“How the fuck am I going to explain a black eye to people at work?” If I say the truth, that I literally walked (ok..leaned into) a door..people are gonna think I’m a battered woman.
The problem with that is that I live alone and have no partner (I don’t have a sex life either, in case you wondered)
That’s when the giggling started. The sad fact that I fucking battered myself. I am my own abusive partner. This, for reasons I can only explain by pointing at my astrology chart, set me off into the biggest giggle-fit of my life. I literally laid on my bedroom floor trying not to die from lack of oxygen.
Looking at my eye today it’s sore but not bruised…yay.
I almost gave myself a black eye by whacking my face into the bathroom door-knob as I sat peeing on my toilet.
I truly cannot make this shit up.
Update: texted this story to my sister, Shay.
Her response shows she knows me very well indeed: