Almost gave myself a black-eye


Ok. Let’s just admit this now. I am a fucking klutz! I am. I can’t escape it. If something can happen to my body to cause a bruise, cut, or twinge of genuine ouch- ness. It’s coming at me with bells on.

Last night I got up in the middle of the night to pee. Since It’s just me I didn’t even turn in the light or shut the bathroom door. Nope, just pants down and pee.

The disaster happened when I went to stand and slammed my right eye right into the doorknob that I hadn’t realized was so very very close to my face in the dark. Eye-level, in fact. Bam! Right into it!

Motherfucker!!!

Now. The first thought I had was

“How the fuck am I going to explain a black eye to people at work?” If I say the truth, that I literally walked (ok..leaned into) a door..people are gonna think I’m a battered woman.

The problem with that is that I live alone and have no partner (I don’t have a sex life either, in case you wondered)

That’s when the giggling started. The sad fact that I fucking battered myself. I am my own abusive partner. This, for reasons I can only explain by pointing at my astrology chart, set me off into the biggest giggle-fit of my life. I literally laid on my bedroom floor trying not to die from lack of oxygen.

Looking at my eye today it’s sore but not bruised…yay.

I almost gave myself a black eye by whacking my face into the bathroom door-knob as I sat peeing on my toilet.

I truly cannot make this shit up.

Update: texted this story to my sister, Shay.

Her response shows she knows me very well indeed:

Screenshot_2019-10-21-18-13-36-1

 

Published by Bexley Benton. (Pen name)

I am B (call me BB and I will gut you) I like daisies, books, and men who understand the wisdom of Kermit the Frog.

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