I’ve gotten to thinking. Talking to Shay in text this morning, it rather startled me, this really long thought.
This realization that, people have parts of themselves that they don’t realize contribute to the overall flavor of them. This soft inner that spills over into interaction with people. The true core of them that unconsciously tells people something about them.
“Unconsciously”. They are not aware of this thing.. It’s something that another person can point out about them, that truly captures them..but is soo much a part of them that they don’t see it themselves. A part of them they don’t consider special.
Like, my sister, Shay. I once mentioned this in another post. It’s the post I worried dreadfully over her reading, because it truly does capture her inner secret “essence” (the thing I’m talking about in this post) and like all things super personal, I fretted over her possible reaction to my spilling her tea in front of everyone. Thank goodness she was ok with it. (I worry about telling other people’s stories without their permission)
See, Shay doesn’t show herself to other people loudly. She does it softly, quietly, almost shyly. She doesn’t ever make a big show of it. It’s a peek-a-boo thing. If you aren’t paying attention, you miss it. If you miss it, she withdraws back into herself. She decides you don’t really care to see this part of her after-all. I live my life always ensuring I am listening and hearing her. Because, this person…matters a hell of a lot to me.
That’s the part of my sister I am most blessed to be “allowed” to see. Her “Oel ngati kameie.”
My sis will tell you she’s vocal about her thoughts and views. That she’s opinionated and firm about her feelings…AND SHE IS. (She’s a bad-ass mother-fucking Scorpio!) Right. But, she’s also this other thing. She’s also very, very gentle. She’s sensitive to the vibe others remit back towards her. She’s tentative with showing her heart.
Shay sent me a text. (I wrote about it the other day) She created a Kimono piece that is an “Ode to mom” she sent it but passively..like, “oh and here’s this really special thing I made. No big deal.” Only, Yes, it is special. Yes, it is important. It’s her essence. It’s her flavor. It’s her quietly and silently feeling and showing me who she is..and I got you sis!! I got you!
I knew it was important because it was an “Ode to mom”. A kimono piece that speaks to the artist inside Shay and tells the story of her love of her mum, who died of Cancer. Shay cared and loved mom until the day she died. Literally. Shay was the one who was there with mom when she left this world. I have never been present for another person’s death but, I know in my deepest bones, that it changes you forever, especially losing someone you love, like Shay loved her mom.
The moment I got that text I cried. I knew. I understood. I saw. “Oel ngati kameie”.
I see you. Isn’t just “I see you” It’s “I see into you” seeing into someone is very special. It’s a gift. It’s a thing so rare that it becomes cherished as memory. It’s that tangible part of them that nobody else can replicate because it’s uniquely they.
I mention this because…today I think I spotted my own and it humbled me to realise that Shay, even if she doesn’t say a single word out loud..is just as aware of mine, as I am of hers. And that shit is humbling and tearful and soo soo comforting.
I told her about how I bought some socks the other day, after working 8 hours, in the rain. I accidentally grabbed 3 socks (out of the pack of 10 I bought) instead of 2. And how, I realized it once I got into the bathroom stall to change. Wait, let me just post the actual text…
See what I mean? She and I, we see each other. And I don’t want to forget that. I don’t want to forget that “seeing into” another person is a gift. It’s treasure. It’s your blessing. “Oel ngati kameie”.
I use to think “Oel ngati kameie” was only about being seen, recognized, understood..but, it’s SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT!
It’s a conversation between you and someone else, that is deeper than just the words you are speaking. It’s a conversation, on a soul level, that is happening without any words at all. It’s like your light reaching out and wrapping around their light. It’s being deeply seen..but also, deeply seeing back.
I am truly in love with “Oel ngati kameie”. It’s a concept that is changing my life and the way I interact with people.
Why do I feel weepy suddenly?