I’m crying like a baby and I don’t care who knows

I have been writing about TMW5T for a very long time. What started as an attempt to understand him better, has become a healing of my own. He is in my head, you see? This person has become the voice in my head, the one that understands me, challenges me, delights me, because soo much of his way, is similar or challenging to my own way.

It’s eerie in some ways, the balance and flow that exists between our signs. His chart makes me think long thoughts and have strangely healing conversations with myself. By learning him, I have also learned myself.

I have a strange understanding of his hidden shadows. My own shadows force me to understand shadows on a deeper level than most people. I have never met the man, and yet..I know him in a way I did not at the start of this project. No one can truly know all of another person, certainly..but we can recognise aspects of ourselves when it is mirrored by someone else. In this, I know him in a way that gives me goosebumps.

So then, my project has ended. I will no longer immerse my innocent soul in his sunshine. I will miss him, very much.

And soo, I am crying. I am crying because “The end is also the beginning” and I am not sure what’s next but, I know I will be changed. I am already changed.

Each day I become. My deepest hope is that what I become is something good.

TMW5T is on a journey, a path, a lifetime struggle..and I know in my bones that one day he will cry like a baby in joy, knowing he has finally become exactly who he wasn’t even aware he wanted to be. He is already changing.

In 2009 I was awakened. That awakening lead me here. His photograph was the trigger. This project, is my thank you.


Published by Bexley Benton. (Pen name)

I am B (call me BB and I will gut you) I like daisies, books, and men who understand the wisdom of Kermit the Frog.

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