I am only here for the food and, like, 3 people.

The Slowly app has me on a slow burn. I like the 3 really cool friends I’ve made..the problem is the 11 other people who wrote me.

Those people (I have other words for them, but let’s be polite) made me rather uncomfortable and mildly repulsed. See, there seem to only be 4 types of people on Slowly.

Type #1 The Smarmy guy. It’s 98.9% of the time a guy (by the way) who immediately (within 2 letters) asks you to write them elsewhere because Slowly is..slow. Uh-huh. I see. Slowly goes slow but you want to go fast…anyone else see red flags popping up? Yeah, me too. I generally answer my correspondence on Sundays. Often by the time we get to Sunday 90% of these “letters” have an alert saying the person has been red flagged and I may remove them if I want, which duh! I do.

Type #2 The “I need to talk to someone but NOT about them” type. The “I want to write an endless letter filled with me, me, me and oh! Yeah..me”. These letters are lacking in any questions, queries, or commentary in keeping with a conversation with another living person.

Now, I’m not talking about those lovely Pen pals who get caught up telling you funny stories or sharing bits about themselves, those convos are pure gold!

No, I’m taking about those letters whereby you wonder if the “You” part of the letter is even necessary. They seem to be having a conversation with themselves but the letter somehow came to you.  I had one guy write me a very long, long, long, letter that didn’t even have spaces or paragraphs..just one looooonnnnggg block of writing in which he shared every single thing he’d done that day…in detail. And that was the very 1st letter. Not even an introduction..just one long conversation that felt like I picked up the phone whilst someone else was on the line having a dramatic conversation. I know some people are socially awkward but, let’s be real..even a complete spaz knows how to ask a person basic conversational details. Like, oh I dunno..Do you like music, books, movies….talking? Jus sayin. They should, at the very least, want to know a teensy bit about you..even if it’s just what you like to do for fun. After all, if they don’t want to know about someone else why not just write in a journal?

Type #3 The “Hey, can you send me nudes, money, or begin a relationship with me based on a single letter?” Type. I have had 2 like this and just ewwww! These I delete right away. I mean..it’s an avatar people!! You can’t tell me you are actually interested in a real person judging by a cartoonish art drawing ok!! Mostly these are sick pervs just looking for random hook-ups, gullible women, or someone dumb enough to send them nudes or money. (Sometimes all of the above) Yeah” I’ll Pass. Oh, and the only difference between #1 type and #3 types is that #1 type disguises their intentions and “pretends” to be normal for the 1st 2 letters.

Type #4 and the reason I still have the app, if I’m honest. The really fun to talk to people. The ones who make you laugh and want to write back cause they are such interesting people. I have met like 3. All 3 are totally worth the other 11..sigh* Can’t we just make it so only type #4 write me?



Published by B

I am B (call me BB and I will gut you) I like daisies, books, and men who understand the wisdom of Kermit the Frog. I refer to my favorite person as TMW5T Why? because if he had 6 I'd call him TMW6T, duh!!

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