You will know I love you when I buy my favorite food but don’t eat it all day long, but instead, wait for you to get home, so we can eat it together.
When you enter the house to find options waiting. Draw a hot bath or eat dinner I put aside for you first? Go straight to bed or give you a run-down of the days events? Back rub and cuddling or a quiet movie complete with big pillow sharing? I put you first, even when you come home late.
When you find little trinkets hidden in your study, for you to find, as a means of giving you whispers of my affection, even while I’m not home.
Your luggage will be packed with intense precision. Pack of cards, pack of gum, pen, notebook, emergency money, Gift card for fast food, bandaids, neosporin, contact information, calling card, cough drops, q-tips, lotion, snacks and eye drops. You will probably not use most of it, but every item is me, loving you.
You will know I love you because I’ll start singing in the shower. You’ll hear me giggling. You’ll catch me dancing. You’ll see me blushing and I will get soo damned shy you can’t help but grin at me, because I’m an emotional mess for you.
You’ll know because I’ll bug you. I will push you to be better. To try harder, to trust in your power. To know your value. To never stop learning. I will challenge your every self doubt, question your every destructive behavior. Yell at you for every single criticism you aim at that heart I love soo soo much. I’ll demand you see the doctor, take your meds, investigate each possible health problem, just in case, because God can’t have you yet.
You’ll know I love you because I examine every word, every thought, every silly dream you tell me, and find ways, means, possibilities to make these things part of my knowledge bank. To prepare with careful precision a path that leads you toward things that you didn’t even know you wanted until I helped you attain them.
I’ll know your favorite songs, what all your expressions mean, what shirt you like for each particular mood you get into. I’ll know your biggest worries and attack them one-by-one before they reach your notice, prepare for them and counteract their poison with my own special brand of healing. If I can’t defeat them, I will stand ready for them, with every support ready to minimize their power.
You will know I love you because I’ll let you see me cry. Let you hold me while I rage. Let you hear my darkest failures. I’ll share my secret hurts and trust you to see my most devistating failures and the lessons they have forced upon me.
If I love you, it won’t be a question of you knowing…it will be a question of you letting me continue, because I’ll ask permission to do so..shyly with a quiet voice, I will ask if it’s ok that I love you. I won’t see a reason to lie about how I feel, but I will be terrified you won’t love me back.
If I love you, you will know. You will always know.