“Don’t let me get use to this” she whispered. He looked at her in surprise, her head upon his shoulder.
“Why don’t you want to get use to it?” he finally answered, tentatively, not liking the taste of the question, but needing to know the answer to it.
“Because you’re uncertain. If you were certain, you would have already acted. People who are ready, don’t hesitate. They don’t hesitate because they have waited and waited and waited, until their mind and heart were both sick of that waiting..and no longer listen to their planned out excuses and procrastination. Those people, the ones who suddenly just know it’s time, they don’t hesitate. You are still hesitating, uncertain about what will happen if you leap off that big scary cliff. You hesitate, which means your mind and heart still aren’t in any sort of agreement.”
He sighed, hating his own indecision. Hating that even with her boldly telling him that she cared for him, he still found himself questioning if she meant it.
Most of all, he hated that she’d said the words his own heart was afraid to say. He was afraid of getting use to her head on his shoulder too! Only he wasn’t brave enough to fucking say it out loud, like she had.
Most people think they have two choices, yes or no. The truth is, there are three choices. Yes, no or don’t decide at all. Both yes and no are in your hands, but not deciding on a choice, can become the choice. You discover the job you wanted has been given to another applicant, that the lover you wanted, has been found by someone who wasn’t afraid to act, that the dream you held dear, has faded with time until there no longer is a dream to chase..only the memory that you once had one.
Not deciding, is deciding..if it’s given too much time on pause. Even a life on pause has no sway over time. Pause only works, if you intend to unpause soon. Look at your choices and then, choose. If you don’t choose, the indecision becomes the choice. Choose. Then sit on that choice for a few days. The way you feel about your choice after you’ve made it, is all that you will ever need to know.