If my cat could type


Dear Diary, the human has taken on a new behavior. Lately she gets up incredibly early and goes into the bathroom where she proceeds to wash her hands, opens a lid and removes a tiny bit of plastic. She then does the weirdest thing! She tries to put that teeny tiny plastic on her eye!

She curses continually because the plastic doesn’t want to go in. Then, eventually, after saying many hissing words..she then does the same thing with the other eye.

I got over the hairless thing and the compensation by wearing various pelts of various colors and strange textures. I got over the shock of learning she doesn’t wash herself properly with her tongue like a normal creature and instead stands under the rain-maker thing on purpose. I even accepted that she seems disinclined to purring when she’s happy and instead makes these really painful noises she calls goggling (I think I spelled that correctly) when she’s amused..but this is just too weird! She can’t even see in the dark and now she’s putting plastic on her eyes?

Honestly, I am always greatly entertained. She’s just soo soo weird. I keep encouraging her when she exhibits proper behavior but, she’s getting on my nerves when she forgets to pick me up immediately once she walks in the door. I mean, come on! It’s like she hasn’t been properly kitten-trained sometimes.

My work is never done!

Signed, Edgerton Galveston Grey Yearling

Ps. I’m still monitoring the pigeons in this quadratic sector..they think I don’t know about their nefarious plans but I am ever watchful, ever vigilant!

Published by B

I am B (call me BB and I will gut you) I like daisies, books, and men who understand the wisdom of Kermit the Frog. I refer to my favorite person as TMW5T Why? because if he had 6 I'd call him TMW6T, duh!!

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